That's why the corn didn't could feel so frustrating. So what are some easy ways that you can go from boring to exciting? How can you change the monotony? Well, the first concept that you've got to understand is a pattern interrupt and how to use a pattern, interrupt. The pattern interrupt is simple. It's easy. It's anything that interrupts the pattern of what they're normally used to. And what's great about a pattern interrupt is it will grab his attention and keep his attention because he doesn't know when something else might change. And the cool part is a pattern interrupt. Doesn't have to be loud or wild or crazy. It just has to be different, different will catch his attention. So today I'm going to share with you. Five tips for how to create a first date, a virtual first date, that he will never forget using this pattern interrupt idea. And the good news is you don't even have to change your shirt. Okay. So the first tip in creating an amazing virtual date, that he will never forget. Is to have the right mindset. You see, it always starts with the right mindset. You're right. Energy. That's congruent with the experience you're about to create with him and the right mindset. One that's fun and confident, fun, and confident.

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Cause when you're. In a, in a contracted state or a scared state or a reserve state, or a self conscious state that just sucks the fun right out of the day, that sucks the confidence right out of you and it fuels or feeds right into more of a boring experience. So now one of the best ways to create that fun comment, but it mindset is with meditation. It's an easy way to change your state yeah. To change your mindset. And so to support you in that I've actually created, I've recorded a guided meditation for you. It's fast, it's five minutes. And it's effective and it's free. So I'm going to link that out for you. It's a gift from me to you. Cause it will you in the right state of mind and in the right state of being number two is ask him a pattern interrupt question. When he asks you out for your virtual first date and here's how it goes. Most likely you'll be texting, he'll meet him online or something, and he'll write to you, Hey, we should do a virtual first day. You want to do FaceTime and you can write back. Sure. That sounds great. And I'd love to try something new with you. Would you be up for something different? This isn't awesome thing to say to your man. And here's why every man loves the phrase. I'd like to try something new with you. Number one, it makes him feel special. Number two, it's exciting. He doesn't know what it's going to be. Are you up for something different now? You can actually insert something else in place of different. If you want, are you up for something wild? Are you up for something crazy? Are you up for something unique, pick a word that actually aligns with you and how you feel, but that word just different is great.

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Are you up for something different? Heck yeah, I'm up for something different. Cause every day it's been FaceTiming has been boring. So he's immediately going to feel the pattern interrupt and get excited about this possibility with you. And step number three is share with him and idea that you would love to create with him for this virtual date. That will become an experience that the two of you can share together. Now, I know what you're thinking right now, Matt, what in the heck could we do together? So I've got three great virtual date ideas that you can ask him to help create for you. So the first idea is, cause he'll ask you, so what did you have in mind? You can say, Hey, I'd love it. If you would take me on a virtual picnic. And you say, here's what I would love. Grab some snacks, grab three items from your home. That means something to you. And whether you go to your phone front yard and have the picnic, or whether you go to someplace in nature, you think is cool. We'll meet up. I'll go to my spot. You go to your spot. We'll each have three things from our home that we think is meaningful to us and some food and we'll connect. And here's what's so cool about that date idea. Number one, I get a good indication of his level of interest because the guy who wants to impress you, the guy who wants to win you over, he's going to drive to someplace super cool as if he was taking you on that picnic with a great view, with a cool spot in nature.

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That means something to him. And the second reason this is cool is because you're each bringing something from your home that matters to you. So the conversation goes deeper. Now you're talking about things that mean something to you, instead of just what you've been up to in a quarantine. The second great virtual data idea is where you ask him to teach you to cook his favorite meal. And you challenge him to cook your favorite meal. And the two of you have this cook-off and what's great about this is that you'll each go, you'll get each others ingredients and then you'll be there cooking with one another, describing how to do this activity together. You'll cook this meal and then he'll get to experience you your favorite meal and you'll experience him through his favorite meal. And just, that gets a level of depth and understanding of each other that you wouldn't normally have. It's a total pattern interrupt and totally fun. And the third idea is to do, what's called a home scavenger hunt. And this is cool because while you're getting to know one another, a conversation, you're actually giving each other a virtual tour of your home, but specific things in your home. And so with this idea, you can come up with any list of things that would be fun to kind of find in your home. And I've actually written down and come up with several ideas that can. Get you going and kick off your own ideas here, but here's some fun things that you can find in each other's homes, you would do a search for these items. And so would he, for example, the t-shirt you've owned the longest and why something you've borrowed and never returned. Here's another idea. Something that may makes you smile or feel good every time you see it, the book that's had the biggest impact on you in the last year or two. And what was it that impacted you? The oldest food item in your kitchen, this one's a bit vulnerable, but it's a good question to see if he'll take you there and say, yeah, that's a, this is three years old. We need to get rid of this. And the last one is a one childhood keepsake. And why you still have it, that if you notice each of these experiences, these virtual dates go deeper than just the surface level conversations. And that's why it takes the experience deeper. It's a pattern interrupt. It becomes exciting and a deeper connection. And that's why it will be a virtual first date. He will never forget. The question is, do you have the guts and the confidence to pull this off? I challenge you to do it and see what happens.

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Hey, this is Matt and I recently had the privilege of interviewing dr. John Gray. Who's the New York times bestselling author of men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. John is amazing. He's one of the best in the world at helping us understand the opposite sex and giving practical strategies for how to communicate and make connection. And during this interview, John shared what he called the million dollar phrase. For men, which was great because if you've ever wanted to give feedback to a man or share something that you were unhappy about and you found your man getting defensive, this million dollar phrase is what you can use to put him at ease. So I want to show you a clip from this interview that I did from a program called manifestor man, where John talks about and teaches the million dollar phrase, check it out. So w how does then a woman, what's your, what are your strategies for, how can a woman. Number one discern what's little and big. And number two, if she decides this is big enough to bring up, how does she communicate that in a way that creates connection rather than division?

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Well, this is a phrase that I don't know if it's in my most recent book. I think it is beyond Mars and Venus has all the updated skills. But, uh, recently I'm thinking I'm going to write a whole book with this phrase, uh, as the title. Uh, maybe it's already done. I don't know, but this is the million dollar phrase. This is women. You're going to use this phrase. And when a man over, like you won't believe this is a magic phrase. And it's simply, if you're going to share something that's upsetting to you, which would be what he will hear as a complaint. You're saying, I just want to tell you how I feel. Okay. But he's going to hear it as criticism. You have to just get that anytime. What you feel is that you're an amazing guy. You're so helpful. You make sense. I'm so lucky to be with you. You have just, Oh, what a delight to be with you. Anytime your feelings are not that it's coming across as he blew it. Give me an example. I started a movie recently, somebody cooked this amazing meal and then asked her care, do you like it? He said, it's okay. It's okay. I spent three hours on that. Even say it's okay. Or it's good. That could be South as criticism. Okay. So we all need a little extra love, particularly in intimate relationships. That's why we come together and we're so vulnerable with each other. We need to not be casual. We actually have to be put a little more effort into being careful to keep pulling out the best in that person. So anyway, back to the million dollar phrase or on the edge of our seats, what is it? Love it, fill it up. So you're going to go to your partner. And Bonnie taught me this. All right. So she said, um, this is one of those big, big deals. I was, uh, given a talk. And for some reason I went on three hours is supposed to be an hour talk. So I'm, I'm clearly two and a half hours late for dinner. When I get home. Oh, you made a dinner. She knew I was coming home and she didn't, you know, uh, She didn't call me my phone was off, whatever. So she's worried all the time stuff is going on. She's made this dinner. She feels like important, but I'm just like, Oh, I'm two and a half hours late. Oh my God, she's going to be upset. And I came home and she basically just said, your foods in the refrigerator, I'm going to bed. And that was it. She didn't want to talk. So I knew she was upset and the next day. She took some time to process her feelings and came back to love. Now, again, skills are one thing and you can have all the skills in the world, but if you can't have your heart open, they don't work. Okay. That's a, that is a prerequisite. You can't, you gotta come from a place of love. And then all this stuff works. If you don't, then you do the stuff that doesn't depend on your partner. In order to feel love. Okay. So that's why you have all this personal growth stuff. This is why we've got our prayer is why I've ever meditation is why we have our children, our work, our gardening, our singing, our hobbies, all those things that make us happy is a huge chunk of our life. Our partner should be like 20%, you know? And so if you're upset with your partner, you need to shift gears and look somewhere else for the support you need to open your heart. So for her, this, the supportive we went to was journaling her feelings, loving herself. Okay. That's a way of self loving is listening to your own feelings. And it's particularly important at a time when you feel like, well, he doesn't care about me. He doesn't understand me what you have to then take time to care about you and listen to yourself, like a little like a child inside and. So she wrote out her feelings of process. Then she came back to loving place.

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She got clear, and then she came into the, into the rooms to John. Uh, I need to talk to you and then she prefaced it and she said, this is the ma cause as soon as I knew I was in big trouble, we need to talk. Or those are the scariest words for men. We need guys leave that phrase out, just say, uh, uh, I need to spend some time with you for a few minutes. We just spend some time together. Might even be better. I just thought of that. But anyway, the famous, we need to talk. Immediately stress reaction happens in a man. Yes, but you can now counter that stress reaction with a million dollar phrase. And what is it is simply saying to him it's not a big deal. Now. It wasn't a big deal to her, but now she's opened her heart. So she's now in a different space. It was a big deal. But right now my heart's open. Do you understand this? If you . This isn't gonna be right now. This is that. Imagine your wife's really upset is that with you? And she says, look, I want to talk to you for five minutes. I don't need you to say anything and it's not a big deal. What did, what's your reaction to that? Relax, relax. Total relaxation. All adrenaline goes down. Yes. It's the practicality of that phrase because when you're talking to your partner, There's two things could be your objective. Well, there could be more, but you want to punish him, but basically you want to control him and you're not aware of that. Women don't think I want to control, but they want him to change. I want you to understand how I feel so you won't do this again. Okay. They want a different outcome. And if you want to get an outcome.

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Yeah. So if your focus is I want a different outcome, he will resist. Okay. It's just so, but if your focus is, I want you to understand me so you can choose a different outcome. It's different. I don't have to push this on you. I just need to inform you. And I trust that you will use that information in the best way that you can. That's the attitude and that prefaces it. You just preface it. I just need to talk for five minutes. I don't need you to say anything. Anything, which is you think is going to be upsetting to him. You should always preface it by a time limit. That's the next thing. It's only going to be five minutes. I have some feelings I want to share them with you. I don't need you to say anything. It's not a big deal. I just need you to understand how I feel. Preface yes is saying, I just want to talk to you for 57 minutes. It's going to take five minutes. It's just, you know, why conversations go on for 57 minutes? Cause we talk as men. Wait, but why, but how could you say that? But I was don't you realize that I was going to whatever excuses we have, we're built to defend we're defenders. Okay. That's who we are, the defenders. And so it's a, as soon as there's an adrenaline response and men blood flow stops to this part of the brain, that's the prefrontal cortex. And it goes back here to the defensive part of the brain, the fight or flight reaction. This is biology. As soon as you have that apprehension, you can measure the adrenaline getting produced. And then if you have a history of this happening, cortisol gets produced and blood flow immediately stops to the front part of the brain. You can't even have compassion. You can't have empathy. All you can do is defend and make someone else wrong. This is what happens. So here's, here's what she did as an example of a skills. She's a master. So she said it's not a big deal, knowing that puts me at ease so that I can fulfill her major goal, which is for me to hear her, see, this is what women say over and over. You don't listen. You don't listen. You don't listen. And if you want him to listen, You need to put him at ease. Okay. I love that phrase. I think that phrase is brilliant, I think is genius. And I think it is absolutely effective. The phrase is not a big deal. I just need you to know how I feel, because remember, as you say that it puts your man at ease, it relaxes him so he can hear you. And the two of you can address the real issue, because remember if you say that it is a big deal, even if you don't verbalize it, but you say it. With your energy. You say it with your intense tone. You say it with your anger immediately. Remember what John said? The blood cuts off from your man's prefrontal cortex. So now he can't think straight it rushes instead to his amygdala where the fight or flight isn't, he immediately gets defensive and you're not going to get the result that you want. So say, Hey, this isn't a big deal. I just need you to understand how I feel is brilliant because now not only can he think, but you're giving him an objective. What's his objective. To understand how you feel. He's able to direct his attention there. Now you might be the person saying, well, Matt, what if it is a big deal? This is a big deal. That's why I'm bringing it up. I can't say it's not a big deal and stay authentic to how I feel. I want to give you two tips with that. The first tip is to remember that it doesn't have to be a big deal for you to bring it up. That you're able to bring up all kinds of stuff without it being a big deal. Some of us are taught that we can't really bring it up. Yes, it is a big deal. Otherwise, why are we talking about it? This isn't a big deal. Why are we talking about this? The reason you're bringing it up is because it matters to you. It matters to you. Not necessarily because it's big or small, but it matters to you and you have full permission to bring up anything that matters to you. And the second tip that you can use to feel congruent and saying this isn't a big deal is to remember that big is relative. It's big to what, what is it compared to compared to your love for him compared to your commitment for him compared to the relationship? That issue is small. So compared to that, this really is a big deal, but when we get intense and say it is a big deal, it shuts him down. So remember, you're bringing it up because it matters to you. And it's really not a big deal compared to your love, your commitment and the relationship, the two of you share. And here's, what's great about that statement. It doesn't just work with your romantic partner. It could work with your father. It could work with your brother.