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I know this might be a personal question, but what frequency of sex is the amount that you really want to enjoy? In your relationship because whatever the number is for you having a healthy sex life is key to a great relationship because when the sex dies, the relationship dies. Yes. And most often there's one person who wants it more in the relationship. And one person who wants it less. Are you the person who wants it more? Are you the person who wants it less? In either case, no matter how often you want it, you both have to be reaching that sexual threshold to be satisfied in the relationship. And so today I'm going to share with you 10 factors that contribute to a great sex life.
Now this information comes out of a couple of different research books. One of which is called the normal bar where Christian Northrop and her colleagues did a bunch of research in one study. They surveyed more than 70,000 people from 24 countries and found that there were 10 factors that if the people who had thriving sex lives all did these 10 factors. And so we're going to explore that right now. Factor number one is couples who had a great sex life said, I love you every single day. And meant it. Now, some of us grew up in households where I love user very common, very generous, very opulent with the, I love you's every day. You say, I love you to mom and dad say, I love you too, brother and sister, we say, I love you say he love you to kids. And I have friends where they never heard their parents say, I love you. It was very scarce, those words, but if you want to cultivate a great sex life, Start with saying those words, because words are power words, have the power to evoke emotion, not only in your partner, but also in yourself. So when you look each other in the eyes and you say, I love you and you mean it, you feel it, you evoke that emotion that connects the two of you on a deeper level.
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Number two is buying a romantic gift. One of our primary love languages as humans is receiving gifts. So if that's your partner's primary love language, giving them a gift that they're not expecting the shows that you're thinking about them or that you love them or care about them, something, or even a little sexy gift can go a long way. Number three is compliment your partner. Often Z there's certain amount of yeah. Deposits that we need as human beings in a relationship compared to the negative withdrawals that create a thriving relationship. And in one study, it was a minimum of five emotional deposits to one emotional withdrawal withdrawal would be like a fight. Or a criticism or a negative interaction. So complementing each other often, it's like making these little emotional deposits is into each other's bank account. And when that bank account gets full, you want to be close. You want to celebrate the relationship and nobody. Wants to have sex when they're feeling unsexy, nobody wants to have sex. When they're feeling stinky, when they're feeling frumpy, when they're feeling like Jabba the hut, they're like, ah, I don't feel good. You know, nobody wants to have sex when you're feeling like that. And so it's amazing how simply complementing your partner can help them connect to the sexy that they are, can help them connect to their own mentality of like, yeah.
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Number four is have romantic vacations. Now vacations can be. You go to Fiji, you go to the beach or the mountains for a week and it's romance and you're by the fire. You're laying out on the beach. It can be amazing, but romantic vacations can also be short little getaways as well. My wife and I in the winter, we, I had a work trip. To Phoenix. It was a one night work trip to go celebrate a client of mine who had a great win. So she came with me, we flew out and we stayed in this hotel and it became a romantic getaway for us because it was just chatting. It was just like, Oh my gosh, we don't have the kids around. Oh my gosh, it's just us. And, Oh my gosh, we're in this cool hotel. And it became a really sexy night simply because of the variety of change that we're experiencing. So big vacations. Yes. But make it a point to even get away for one night or two nights. And it can go a long way as well. Number five is giving each other back rubs. Now, actually, since reading this research, I've gotten better at the back rubs. I wasn't doing a lot of backwards. It was before. And let me tell you, it helps nonsexual, but sensual touch definitely stimulates the senses. If it's been awhile, since you've given your partner a backroad try it out and see what happens. Number six is six second passionate kissing. Yes. For no reason at all. This is one I found really interesting. This one comes out of a book called eight dates by dr. John Gottman. Who's one of the world's leading researchers on love and relationships and marriage. And he says this. He says we recommend a juicy six second kiss that would make your grandmother blush.
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When you kiss passionately, you set off a chemical cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that release dopamine. Increase oxytocin, both of which makes you feel really good. So I decided that I would try this one out and normally when I'm leaving for work, I'll give my wife a kiss. I'll say, I love you, but it's more of a short pack, you know, give her a little kiss and then go to work. And so there's one particular day. After reading this research, I came down and I grabbed her and I kissed her a six, second passionate, juicy kiss. And she looked at me in the eyes and she goes, wow, you really know how to make my knees go weak. And I'm feeling all manly in that moment. And then my three year old daughter who was in our, the high chair having breakfast. Daddy. I want one of those, like, Oh no, no, honey. You're just going to get a little pack that is for mommy and mommy alone. Okay. That's all right. Whatever kissed her went off to work, but notice often we'll kiss our partner on a daily basis, but it will be a short little kiss. Practice elongating that. And for no reason, isn't it all. Just holding that kiss a six second kiss and notice what, what happens to your biochemistry? Number seven is cuddle with one another. Every day, people went great sex lives cuddled with one another every day. In fact, only 6% of people, people who didn't cuddle had good sex lives. That means 94% of people who have good sex lives cuddle every single day. And this is interesting because when you're cuddling, it's that great reminder that no, we're not business partners. No, we're not just doing life and do an errands together. We actually love each other. We're actually attracted to one another because closeness begets closeness. And so make it a point to, in a cuddle and fall asleep together, whether you're going to cuddle and watch a show together, but make cuddling a higher priority and your relationship, and you will notice your sex life improve. Number eight, create a romantic date at least once a week. This is what I, I actually learned from America's greatest marriages. And it was backed up by this research that. When you're just starting to get to know one another and you're just starting dating. Dating is built into the process because you don't live together. You're not married. So dating is how you get to know one another. But after you get committed, you live together or you're married, dating. If you're not intentional. Can be very easy to let slip away and not do it in the relationship. Commit to dating. Don't stop dating. Let that be a part of your practice because dating fuels the connection. It fuels the lovemaking. It fuels that great relationship that you want to have. And number nine, make sex a priority and make it okay to talk about sex. Now you may have grown up in a household where it was taboo to talk about sex, but people who have great relationships and great sex lives, they're open about their sex lives. They're open to talking about it. One couple was talking about their sex life and they were talking about, wow, it has been too long. Since we've had sex, they got busy. One thing led to another, and it's been like a few weeks since they had sex. And so the wife said, honey, we need to connect. Not just mentally, not just emotionally. We need to connect physically as well. So when you go to work, I want you to come home during lunch time because we are going to have a quickie and the husband was like, you bet I am coming home. I'll be home. And so what I love about that is they prioritize. Sex that physical connection is so important. So let it be okay to talk about sex. And if you haven't done it in a while, prioritize it. Even if it's just a quickie and number 10 have great sex lives are open to a variety of activities. They're open to trying new things in their sex life to keep that variety and to keep it interesting. You know, if you have breakfast every day, And all you have every single day is an omelet day in, day out that omelet, it's going to get boring. You're going to want something different. You're going to want some oatmeal. You're going to want some pancakes. You're going to want a fritatta something different than just that dang omelet. And that's what they have found that people who have great sex lives. They're willing to try on different things. They're willing to try new stuffs, whether that's wearing new lingerie or whether that's role-playing with one another trying new positions, trying different rooms in the house, whatever it is that you're open to that variety keeps the satisfaction level. Hi. So those are the tenants factors that create a healthy sex life.