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When we developing a great relationship, there are two components. That you're looking for. One is chemistry and the other is compatibility. You want to have both of these for a fantastic relationship. And often it's really easy to get seduced into thinking. Does he like you and looking for the signs of whether or not he's into you? He likes you. He's falling in love with you. And if he is. Then to just go with it and run with that relationship. But that comes at a cost because if you're not careful and you choose a guy who isn't compatible or worse yet doesn't have what it takes to actually be in and develop a healthy longterm relationship. Then it only leads to pain down the road. So how do you know if the guy that you're interested in, who and who's interested in you is actually mature enough and healthy enough? For a longterm relationship. Well, today I'm going to share with you seven signs that your man is ready for a healthy, serious relationship.
these signs actually come out of a great book that I was reading recently called how we love by Milan and K your Kovich. And they unpack what a healthy relationship and a healthy attachment style is versus unhealthy relationship patterns. And every one of us. As we're growing up, we learn from our moms and our dads, how to have our own relationship patterns. So the first healthy relationship sign that you're looking for is that he is secure with both connection. And independence. So you, in way relationship, there are going to be times when you're connected and you're doing things together, you're cooking together, or you're going on dates together. You might be even working in a job together, working on a project together, but you want the person that you're seeing to be equally as secure when they're together with you as when they're independent doing their own thing. You want them to support you. Yeah. And doing your own thing, having your own passion. Having your own hobbies, having your own friends and spending time with those friends. It's interesting. In my coaching, I coach a lot of success for women who are doing very well in their business. And yeah, and one of their great concerns is being with a man who's going to smother them, or who's not going to respect their independence.
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Their concern is losing their independence and losing this great life that they've created for themselves. And that's actually a sign. Of an unhealthy relationship. If he is smothering and not willing to let you have the things that you would love for your life, have the independence that you would love. Then that's a sign. He's not the right fit for a longterm relationship. You want a man who will both be secure with connection and independence. Number two is he knows how to both give. And receive it's interesting relationship patterns. A lot of us tend to be really good at one or the other. We're either really good at giving in a relationship and not so good at receiving and we will, or ourselves into this relationship. Give, give, give, give. And then not be willing to receive, or we're really good at receiving, but not good at giving in countries attributing back into the relationship. Well, both are actually toxic cause the person who is a taker is not contributing to the relationship, but the person who is a giver and an over giver, that person will become burnt out and then resentful of the relationship later on. I'll always remember really a life impactful moment for me. I was getting my master's degree in education and I had the privilege of studying with a man and named mr. and mr. Shoshin was the school's favorite teacher guy was passionate about what he did. He made learning fun and all the kids loved this guy. And I got to study with him and I was very grateful. Well, early in our time together, the first week he takes me to burger King for lunch. And I'm 22 years old. And, and so we drive into this burger King drive through and he says, what do you want? And I ordered my food and, and as we pull up to the window to pay, he pulls out his wallet, you know, and he's going to pay and I pull out my wallet and I'm like, Hey, mr.
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Shorten, you gonna let me get mine. I don't expect you to pay it for me. And he's like, no, no, I got you. And I know no, seriously, here's five bucks. And he turned to me in that moment and he goes, Matt, receiving the gift honors of the giver. And it was so powerful for me in that moment, because I had thought a better move would be just to kind of override him and pay for my stuff so that I'm not a burden to him and not receive, but right. Receiving in that moment was actually the highest value thing, right. That I could have done. And that has always stayed with me. So you want a man who is both good at giving and good at receiving as you want to be both good at giving and receiving in a relationship. Number three is he can accept the good with the bad. You know, every one of us, we have good days. We have bad days. Every one of us we've got successes. And there are moments when we have failures and the healthy person in the relationship realizes this and they don't connect their own self, worth their own value to things going perfectly or them being perfect. And feeling like if they have a setback or they have a bad day, or they have a failure that their own value diminishes that they actually are connecting their own value to the effort that they're making to who they are rather than what they're purchasing using in life. And that healthy person affords you that same compassion. That same understanding that same patients, they don't hold you to a standard of perfection. They don't hold you to a standard of having to have everything go right. All the time. They're willing to have patients that willing to have compassion. They extended it to both themselves and to you, that kind of person is going to make the relationship smoother. Ride. Number four is he knows how to wait and delay gratification see in any relationship is made up of two people. And so while we have our needs, your partner has their needs as well. And so the person who knows how to wait and delay gratification and realizes that they are not the center of the universe, they're willing to, they get their needs met, but they're also willing to do it in a way that it allows their partner to get their needs met as well. And this often comes up early in a relationship around sex and not all the time, but often the man wants to have sex before the woman is ready. And so the man who is mature. Is going to wait and tell you are 100% ready. He wants you to feel comfortable before you guys engage in being intimate with one another, the man who it was not mature, the man who was not ready yet for a great relationship, a healthy relationship is the man who is going to pressure you is the man who's going to try to make you feel guilty because you're not giving it up and make no mistake. That kind of behavior out of that, man, isn't just isolated to that moment of the sexual encounter. That that will infiltrate that kind of behavior infiltrates its way into other aspects of the relationship and becomes like a cancer to the relationship that his knees are always going to be more important than yours. So you want to make sure that you're with a man who is willing to wait and delay gratification and tell both of you are absolutely right. That is a man. Who's not only willing to take care of his knees, but take care of your needs. At the same time. Number five is he knows how to say no healthy individuals in healthy relationships know how to set boundaries, not just in the relationship, but really in life. Because the two of you in a partnership together, what you say yes to other people affects the relationship commitments that you're making. And whether you want to lean into that commitment to a family member or to a friend or to a boss is going to impact the relationship. For example, you say yes to a boss on a project you really don't want to help out with, or you can't, or don't have time to help out with.
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And now you're working late nights and taking time away from the relationship, or you say yes to and overextend yourself in a family relationship. And now you can't honor the one on one time with your significant other, and you're off doing family stuff. And a healthy person knows how to set boundaries when given an unreasonable request or when faced with a demanding person, they know how to say no. It's the unhealthy person that says yes and then complains to other people about it as if they're a victim and never actually goes to the person with whom they have a problem. That is an unhealthy pattern. You want a man who knows how to set boundaries, who knows how to take care of himself with healthy boundaries. And by virtue of that, take care of the relationship with you with those same healthy boundaries. And these last two are probably the most important number six is he knows how to work through conflict. So you were guaranteed a couple of things in a great relationship. You are guaranteed joyful moments and you're guaranteed moments of conflict in any kind of relationship is going to happen. You know, this you've experienced this, the degree to which your man can work through conflict. That is a skill and equality that will last the test of time and help contribute to the deep quality of that relationship. An unhealthy person, avoids conflict. They don't want to talk about it. They sweep it under the rug. They either pretend like nothing's wrong. And then when, and it builds up, builds up, builds up. Then they explode about that same conflict and they're unreasonable and hard to actually find a solution to that conflict. You want a man who is able to what we call shovel while the piles are small. If something bothers, one of you, you're willing to talk about it, right? When it happens, find a solution and move on. And that's how you keep. The energy and that relationship clean, clear, the relationship feels lighter and it ends up being a whole lot more fun and enjoyable for years to come. And number seven is you want a man who's willing to say, he's sorry, when he's made a mistake, do you see the unhealthy man gets defensive? But the healthy man is willing to own when he's made a mistake and apologize for any errors that he's done in the relationship. It's the insecure man. Who feels like saying, he's sorry, or making an apology actually demeans his status in the relationship it demeans or lessens his value in the relationship, which isn't true at all is the healthy person. Yeah. Knows that. You know what, when I've made a mistake, I'm willing to say, I'm sorry, and make it and make it right. You want a man who's willing to do that. So make it a major red flag. If the guy that you're seeing, even when he's wrong and knows it, won't say he's sorry. Cause the guy who says he, sorry, is the guy who was mature enough, secure enough, create an amazing long lasting relationship with you. And my question to you is of these seven signs that we've just gone through. Are there any other signs that you are looking, can you for when you're looking for a man who's going to be in a longterm relationship with you? What, what do you value most? Go ahead and put that in the comment section below, I hope serves you and gives you a crystal clear blueprint that when you're dating again.