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I've been studying love and dating and Hookup White Plains and marriage. What makes love last for the past 10 years and the individual who has impacted me the most, not just in terms of my coaching practice or my research, but also in terms of my own marriage is dr. John Gottman. Now dr. Godman is famous for his studies where in one study he could predict whether or not a couple would stay together or get divorced with a 94%. Accuracy. He's got something called the love lab, where he, he studies couples and then all of his research, he has come across one. Hi, Mary principle, that is paramount above all other principles that creates lasting love Hookup White Plains. And he writes about it. And one of his books called what makes love last. And I was reading this book and it was surprising to me. So I wanted to create this for you. So I'm going to give you a quick little quiz on the screen right here. You were going to say a list of principles that support relationships, principles that fight. So check out these principles. And one of these principles is actually the paramount principle that dr. Gottman. Writes about one of these principles is above all others. The most important principle. Can you see which one it is? Do you know? Can you guess which one it is? It's actually this one right here. Trust trust is actually the principle that undergirds all other principles is the principle that is the foundation of love and actually makes.
Love Hookup White Plains last. In fact, this is a hot topic that comes in in the comments as well in the form of questions. Let me share with you one of those questions that got sent in recently, this woman writes, could you please write a post on how to deal with jealousy and trust issues? I had three relationships before my current one, the first, my boyfriend at university cheated on me with our classmates. The second cheated on me with his most recent ex back then. And the third couldn't stop talking about his ex, why broke up with him? I realized it must have been me who kept falling for cheaters. I worked on myself. So before getting back into dating and my current boyfriend is amazing, but I can't stop worrying about him getting back to his ex. I trust him, but I don't trust myself. It's complicated feeling like you can really trust. Somebody gives you that sense of peace of mind. It gives you that sense of calm so that you can actually relax enough to really enjoy the relationship. So I'm going to give you right now 10 signs that you can trust your man. Number one is that you feel protected by your partner and it's got multi-facets here. You feel protected by them emotionally. You know that they're not going to belittle you in front of other people or make fun of you in front of them people, or, you know, push your buttons. Uh, the, the stuff that only they know that you've confided in, they're going to protect your emotions. Number two, they're going to protect you physically, you know that you are safe around them. And number three Hookup White Plains, they're going to protect you spiritually. In other words, they're going to root for you, cheer you on support you in going after your dreams and the things that matter most to you. They're not going to.
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Discourage you or undermine you Hookup White Plains, or try to criticize you for trying to grow and live a life that you would love. Number two, is that, you know, your partner's faithful to you. Now. I know that sort of elemental that's fundamental when it comes to. Having trust in a relationship is that you both know and expect each other to be monogamous. So if you have that agreement, number one, it's a spoken agreement and you're living into it. Right. But number two, you can feel it because you can feel it Neil, when your partner is out of alignment with that, you can, there's just something off you can feel when they're not being honest or they're messing around on the side. So, you know, your partner is faithful in that they both spoken it, but they're also living into that agreement and your own intuition. Is feeling at peace about this it's different than you might have thoughts or fear that try to nag at you that aren't really founded in your real intuition. When your real intuition is grounded, you feel them congruent. That's going to foster the trust that you have with one another. Number three is, you know, your partner will always be a very close friend. Friend. Friendship is vital for me, creating trust is taking on new experiences. It's having adventures together. It's growing as learning together. It's seeing new things, you know, when you have that fear bond, it's not just that your partners, not just that you're married or your boyfriend, girlfriend, but you're actually friends. Yeah. You're laughing together. You're enjoying moments together that creates deep trust. With one another, you know, companies will invest literally hundreds of thousands of dollars to take their teams out to ropes courses, or to take their teams on bonding trips. Why do we, why do they do that? They do that because they know that it's on those trips when they're going through the adversity and the adventure of a ropes course where they're having to work together to rely on one another where they're laughing together.
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That that creates friendships Hookup White Plains and friendships create caring and also creates trust. And all of that creates a much better work environment where they're able to produce way better and way more work. So it's valuable for the couple, same thing in a marriage that if you get caught up in it, the work of being together or in a relationship, the work and the monotony of being together, create some friendship in it. Go on an adventure together, create some fun, make sure that you're laughing because that in and of itself will foster more trust. Number four is your partner shares in the chores. Life comes with chores, doesn't it. We know that you want to have a good life. There's going to be chores. There's going to be the dishes. There's going to be the laundry, taking care of the kids Hookup White Plains, all of that kind of stuff. And so if you know that your partner, isn't just going to dump that on you and split and come back when everything's done. But you know that you're both going to share in the load. You're both going to carry the load. So to speak that that actually creates trust. It creates bond, a bond between the two of you that builds the relationship. Number five is your partner works hard to increase the financial security. Now in your partnership, one of you might be contributing financially, or you both might be contributing financially. So working hard can mean actually contributing, earning the money, but it can also mean. Taking care of the money, being a good steward of the money being financially stable helps create trust. It helps create that calm, that peace of mind, your nervous system can relax, knowing that you're going to be able to pay the bills that everything's going to be taken care of. And so when you have a partner that is willing, that's not going to gamble the money away. That's going to have the same mindset about spending that you do that really helps foster the trust. This was one thing that I love about. My wife, in fact, early in our relationship, I had to encourage my wife to go to Nordstrom's to get addressed or to go, you know, Hey, go get something nice. I go splurge on this because she is grew up in a family where they really saved. They valued saving, they valued finding a good bargain. You know, she's going to Kohl's, she's going to Ross. Like she's hunting for that. Good bargain comes back, looking, fly, looking great. It's just like this dress only cost 12 bucks, you know, and that's the thing that gives her joy. And I really appreciated that about her because I knew that she was going to be a good steward of the resources that we were both bringing to the relationship. Number six is that your partner makes you feel sexually desirable. Do are they turned on by you? Do they show that because having a great sex life Hookup White Plains, isn't it healthy part of a relationship? I mean, it's critical and them showing that they are turned on by you is the first sign of that. So it might be them coming up behind you and kissing you on the neck or whispering in your ear that they, you turn them on. It might be them sending you little dirty texts at work. Might be them letting you know they want to get it off. It could be all kinds of things, even, you know, in fact, when I wrote the book. Project everlasting. We interviewed all these couples who were married 40, 50, 60, even 70 years. And even as grandma's and grandpa's in their eighties and their nineties still pitching each other's butts still saying, Ooh, you sick and their grandmas and grandpas. So no matter how old you are, letting the other person know that they turn you on is one of the things that not only fosters trust, but drives long lasting love and number seven. Is that you have influence and the relationship it's not just your partner's way or the highway. One of the demonstrations of love is that you both allow each other. To influence one another. So this isn't one person completely dominating or controlling the relationship, but really both of you giving and receiving and being influenced and influencing one another and allowing yourself to be influenced is a great demonstration that there's love existing in this relationship.
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Number eight. And this is a big one is that you can actually trust Hookup White Plains. That your partner will listen to you in an argument. And this is important because every relationship has arguments. Every relationship has challenges, but what makes love last is the ability to overcome those. So you must have love. That's bigger than the argument. You must have loved. That's bigger than the challenge if you want, love to last. And so the key to that is being able and willing to listen to you each other. Now that doesn't mean that you're going to be perfect or that he's going to be perfect. You might get defensive or resentful in the beginning, and you might both need to have your walk around the block. You can trust that eventually. You were both going to come together. Eventually you're both going to listen to one another as to seek that understanding because it's that, that gives you the power to overcome the challenge, to overcome the argument that you're both facing, create an even stronger bond because of working through that and take your love to the next level. Number nine is your partner's words and actions. Align and reflect the values you both agree on. Now, the first part of this is pretty straightforward is that you can trust someone when their words and actions align. In other words, they keep their agreements that they do what they say they're going to do. But the second part of this, I find interesting because isn't it, isn't just agreements with you. They say, Hey, I'll meet you at seven. Then they meet you at seven or here, I'll call you tomorrow morning. Then they call you tomorrow morning Hookup White Plains. That is foundational. That their words and actions align. But the second part of this is that they reflect the values. You both share. That's also very important. In other words, what they say they value are they actually doing those things that subconsciously builds trust in the relationship. So if they say they want to get healthier or they want to get more fit, are they eating healthier? Are they actually going to the gym? If they say that they want to do more personal development, are they reading? Are they going to events? If they say their spiritual life matters to them, do you see that reflected in their actions? Are they going to church or are they meditating? Are they connecting to spirit? Maybe go through nature. However they choose to connect. Are they actually doing those things? Thanks because it's in doing those things that show congruence and that congruence fosters trust. And number 10 is your partner takes your or feelings into account when making decisions. This is important. Does your partner. Consider how you're going to feel about something. Does that, does your partner actually consult with you before making those decisions? This is one that I learned the hard way. When I first got married, it was actually in this house, my wife and I moved in. I want him to throw a big barbecue and invite a bunch of people over. And so I told her, I said, Hey babe, I got a bunch of people coming over on Saturday.
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We invited a bunch of friends Hookup White Plains, we're going to have a barbecue. I'll go get the meat. And so she wasn't really that excited about the idea. And then Saturday came, we had the barbecue and she was, let me just say it this way. Not in a great mood. She was, she put on a happy face for everybody. She was a good hostess. Uh, when the party was done, she was not happy, not in a good mood. What's wrong with you. We're having a party like this was great. This was a ton of fun. Why are you not in a good mood? And I was all upset that she was upset. And then I'm talking to one of my mentors, a relationship coach and expert. And I was just telling him, I was like, yeah, I can't believe my wife was all mad that we had this party. It was a great time. And he goes, Matt, let me ask you a question. Did you ask her before scheduling the party that she wanted to have the party? And I went. No. Yes. Well, that might've been a good idea, man, because if she had something else you wanted to do, or maybe she was not feeling up for a party that day, that might be important information that you didn't have. And so I really ingested that and I think Hookup White Plains, yeah, that's probably a good move. I should have asked my wife, if she wanted to have this party, I just assumed she felt the way I did. I just assumed she was excited and would love to have a party, but that wasn't the case. And so. Consult with each other, take each other's feelings into account. Cause when you do that fosters the trust that you're going to take care of one another and cocreate an experience that you we'll enjoy. So what you done, I just looked at our 10 signs that you can actually trust your man, but here's, what's interesting. If you want to attract a man like this, if you want to have. This man in your life or more of these types of behaviors from your existing man in your life. In other words, you want to dial up the trust, then the question is, are you the kind of woman who he can trust? Because like attracts, like when you become the version of the thing you want, you attract it more into your life, or you inspire others to actually step up to the plate. So I'm going to list them here real quick. So you can ask yourself. These questions. Are you this kind of woman? Check this out, ask yourself these questions, doing it. Protect your man mentally, emotionally, even physically by having his back. Are you faithful? Do you create the experience where he knows you'll be a friend to him as well as a lover? Do you share the chores? Do you work hard to increase the financial security? Do you show that you sexually desire him? Do you give him power and influence in the relationship as well as you have power and influence in the relationship? When arguing, do you listen, do your words and actions align with the values that you have. And do you take your partner's feelings into account when making decisions, being aligned with these activities, being aligned with this way of being not only will foster the trust in the relationship, but it will help pave the way for a long lasting, loving relationship between you. And your partner.